As a Marriage & Family Therapist for over 40 years, I have counseled many couples. With the goal of improving their relationships, I helped them understand themselves and each other, practice constructive communication, express their resentments, make positive agreements, and create win-win solutions. Then I ask them to forgive themselves and each other for anything they did or said that was not loving. I tell them that they both did the best they could with the information they had, and now they know better.

I believe that most people struggle with their partners, because love is not enough, and they lack the necessary insights and solutions. "It is like you want to build a house," I tell them, "but you have no manual or tools to succeed. Then you wonder why your relationship is struggling."

Couples may choose to stay miserable or separate from their partners when things are too troublesome. However, often if they resume their relationship, and their behaviors